


Preferably, You

by Diggy



Series: Riley Universe [SDV] [2]
Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Blossoming Romance, Coming Out, Confessions, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Up, Spin Off, mention of female farmer', spring storms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:41:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24989224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diggy/pseuds/Diggy
Summary: [spinoff from "Sunshine Through Dark Clouds]The first rain of the year blew in on an early Thursday morning, carrying punishing winds and a downpour that threatened to flood half the valley. It was a little ironic, really. Stormy outside, and stormy deep in Sam's mind. It had been weeks now since he had proclaimed his feelings to Sebastian and then promptly been kicked out of his life.But maybe even through the darkest rain clouds, a little ray of light can illuminate the truth of what happened between them all those weeks ago. Sam wasn't sure he could find it in himself to forgive Sebastian, but he'd be lying if he didn't admit every inch of him wanted to.
Relationships: Sam/Sebastian (Stardew Valley)
Series: Riley Universe [SDV] [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797919
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	Preferably, You

**Author's Note:**

> Highly recommended you read my ongoing multi-chapter fanfiction "Sunshine Through Dark Clouds" prior to reading this little spinoff. However, it is not necessary as Sam and Sebastian's relationship are secondary in that story to Riley (female farmer) and Shane's. If you have not read that fic, just know that prior to the events of this story, Sebastian was dating Abigail, they broke up, and somewhere between Sam checking in on his friend and the next morning, he came out to Sebastian, admitted his feelings, had some kind of sex, then got into a huge falling out that pretty much destroyed Sam. There! You're all caught up now. 
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

The first rain of the year blew in on an early Thursday morning, carrying punishing winds and a downpour that threatened to flood half the valley. Fortunately for all the residents in and around Pelican Town, the city limits were high enough above ground that they didn’t worry too much about floods, and backed up by the mountains and mines, most of the town was spared some of the winds that blew in from the north.

Sebastian was awakened by the loud, _poisonous_ alarm of the weather advisory just before 6 that morning. He cursed loudly in his groggy state, reached for the device beside his bed— then cursed even louder in a string of unmentionable expletives when the phone stumbled out of his grasp and toppled to the ground. Slipping between his bed and bedside table, the loud clatter only seemed to taunt him and worsen his already foul mood.

“Fuck!” Sebastian reached over the side of the mattress as far as he could but found his fingers unable to neither reach the wooden floorboards nor the damn phone still screeching with the weather alert. Finally surrendering to the chaos, Sebastian opened his eyes groggily and stretched over the side of the mattress with a drawn out groan.

“Fucking…” Grabbing the phone, he brought it up to his face and quickly deactivated the alert without paying it much notice and just vaguely seeing the time before throwing it back to his bedside table in aggravated annoyance.

“Fuck, _why…_ ” he groaned groggily rubbing his eyes with full palms and laying on his back. Sebastian gave a long, drawn-out exhale and then went still with his hands on top of his stomach.

The house was quiet. He couldn’t hear any footsteps from upstairs. Outside it was still dark if the lack of willpower to get up was any indication.

It was peaceful.

Tranquil.

_Go back to sleep,_ he told himself quietly.

Sebastian let his breathing slow, and mind clear as best he could. His body felt heavier, muscles seeming to go numb as he sunk his weight into his mattress.

_If this storm knocks out the power, he’s not going to finish his projects for the day._

_If he didn’t finish that project for the exec in Zuzu, he wouldn’t get paid by tomorrow afternoon._

_If he didn’t get paid…_

It was like a cancer, his mind. One _little_ thought divided into another, then another, and another, until all he could think about were all the _‘if’s’_ floating over his head, yelling at him, hitting him, forcing him out of his tranquility with their blaring cacophony and suffocating all healthy thought entirely.

Sebastian groaned loudly while turning onto his side. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter and blindly pulled a spare pillow over his head.

_Don’t think about it._

_Think of something positive._

_Things of happiness._

_Happy memories._

_Calming memories._

_Like watching the ripples of the ocean waves in the middle of the night._

_The new tadpoles in the mountain lake that begin to hatch in the summer._

_Sam playing his vintage handheld under the shade of a tree._

Oh fuck.

_No, don’t think of Sam._

_Pumpkin soup. Yeah, warm and rich, the way mom’s been making since before they left the city._

_Sam liked that pumpkin soup too that one time mom made it for us when we got caught up in the rain. Maybe I could learn to make it for him? Maybe..._

“Fuck!” Sebastian yelled out the curse into the heavy black void of his dark room and smacked the edge of the mattress with all the force he could muster from his own free arm.

It was pointless. His mind now swimming with thoughts of the power going out, not getting paid, and worst of all, _Sam_ … There was no way in the frozen depths of hell that he was going to fall asleep again. Not unless he smothered himself to death or some shit and that for sure wouldn’t get him a paycheck any earlier.

Giving up finally, Sebastian groaned and whined the entire way to a sitting position. He threw his legs over the side of the tall mattress and frowned when his feet didn’t touch the floor.

_Sam’s did._

But _Sam_ wasn’t here, so why was he thinking of that, anyways?

* * *

Samson Donovan woke up late that morning with a start at the first boom of thunder when it shook the very foundation of his home like an earthquake. He turned to the window and even from the light just leaking out the bottom of his childhood blue-checkered curtains, he could make out the flashes of light that the angry clouds above brought down on the earth below.

Another bright flash and only a second later an earth-shaking boom of thunder and the audible sound of all electricity cutting off simultaneously reached his ears.

_Great._

_A blackout._

Sam reached out for his phone beside him and squinted slightly at the bright backlight of his screen.

_9:26am._

Okay, it was probably time for him to get up anyways. Unplugging his phone, Sam sat up and swung his legs over the side of the mattress. The air was cool and slightly humid, a sure sign of the thunderous downpour outside, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Not inside, anyways.

Sam stretched for a while, first his arms outstretched and above his head, then hands pulled down behind his neck, a turn of the shoulders and an elongation of his spine as each audible and satisfying pop of joints and muscles sounded like music to his ears.

Heading towards the dresser, Sam’s feet made muffled sounds against his green carpeting as he crossed the room and then dug through his drawers. He procured from its messy contents a red t-shirt from a band he once saw in the city, and pulled it over his head without much thought. 

His jeans still remained piled on the floor when he’d dumped them unceremoniously the night before. He tugged them over his knees and thighs before finishing his dressing, dropping his phone into his pocket, and heading out his bedroom door.

“Mom?” he called out to the dark hallway. The house seemed oddly quiet for a Thursday morning. He reached a corner and flipped the switch for the hall light— only to then remember the sound of the power going out and realizing that it was pointless.

“Mom?” he called again. “Vince?” To his mild surprise, the house was silent.

_Hm._

Sam wandered quietly towards the kitchen, using his phone as a lightsource.. With the power out, his options for breakfast were slimmed down, but it wasn’t exactly as if he was all pumped up to try and cook something anyways. That rarely went well and more often than not ended up in disaster, a mess, and most of the food in the trash bin.

Sam reached for the refrigerator and noticed a note hung up at eye level.

_‘Took Vincent to his checkup. Dad’s out of town. Call if you need anything.’_

Sam raised a brow. If mom took Vince to the clinic, she was likely going to drop him off at Penny’s afterward and go to Carolines after that. _And_ dad was out too. That meant he had the whole house to himself.

_Guitar practice, baby!_

Another loud boom of thunder shook the windows and Sam winced in his spot, glancing out the kitchen window.

As great as it was to get a day with the house to himself and the loud muffle of rain to drown out his guitar practice, the image of Riley popped into his head and he felt something sink in his chest. 

_Shit._ He hadn’t even thought of her.

Sam dug for his phone and dialed his friend’s contact. The phone rang once, and he headed towards the living room once more. A second ring and Sam wondered if it was even any use offering his help this late. A third ring and the tinge of worry tickled his subconscious. 

No answer and Sam frowned. The voicemail intro came to his ears and Sam prepared himself the best apology he could manage.

“Hey Riles, I was just checking on you and the farm. Home you’re doing okay and I’m sorry I didn’t get up sooner and…” Sam trailed off when another violent flash of light illuminated the world outside the living room window and the dark silhouette of a figure outside.

“Uh… just call me back.” He quickly finished and put the phone back in his pocket without looking at it again. Approaching the window, Sam narrowed his eyes as he searched the scene outside. The world seemed clouded in shades of greys, blues, and greens, rain and wind whipping in strange directions, distorting shapes and figures outside.

At first he didn’t see anyone, but just as Sam began to turn and leave another flash of a lightning strike illuminated the earth and he saw it: a figure of familiar shape and stature in all black and a half dismantled umbrella just at the edge of the river.

Sam was at the door and ripping it open with impressive haste before he even thought about what he was doing.

“Sebastian!” He’d almost doubted his eyes until the man outside turned towards him and confirmed his suspicions. Sebastian stood up, black hoodie soaked and clinging to his body like shrink wrap, impressive considering its oversized shape. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Sam called out over the roar of rainfall. Finally, Sebastian moved towards him, tossing the destroyed umbrella at the front of Sam’s doorstep and stepping inside. Sam closed the door quickly behind them as the thunder pummeled the skies once more and finally gave his friend a once over. 

Sebastian was soaked to the bone, looking more pale than even his usual self, lips slightly blue and all but shivering in the cold.

“I’m fine,” he lied unconvincingly. Sam knew better and knew his oldest friend’s hesitation to admit fault. He chose to ignore Sebastian’s comment and crossed the house in search of warmth, returning with towels and clothes as an offering of peace.

“You’re soaked and freezing,” Sam argued, passing him a towel. Sebastian reached for it but tensed and shied away when Sam got close. It was as if just being this close to him physically _burned_ him.

The subtle action sent physical pain to Sam’s chest; a deep, _burning_ sting deep down that started in his heart then seeped into his bloodstream and passed over his entire body.

“I don’t get cold,” Sebastian argued, but he took the clothes and towels and navigated towards the hallway bathroom like he’d done hundreds of times before.

Sam hadn’t even realized he was holding his breath until the bathroom door closed and he exhaled a long drawn-out puff of hot air that had swelled to uncomfortable proportions in his chest. He paced in his spot and dug one hand into his blond waves, mind racing and trying to collect himself before he blew this rare opportunity all together.

And just as he’d started to feel hopeful being under the same roof as Sebastian again, the thoughts of that night resurfaced in his mind, ready to destroy any positive thoughts he desperately tried to cling to.

_He didn’t want that. Sebastian had made that clear._

He could live with that. Sam could live without Sebastian returning his affections. It was fine. He’d get over it eventually. He’d find somebody else.

_You ruined your friendship._

That one made his head spin and bile bubble up in his throat.

_That_ he wasn’t sure he _wanted_ to live with.

Overwhelmed by the weight of all the thoughts and memories pressing down on him, Sam felt dizzy and went into his room. Off in the corner where he’d covered it, Sebastian’s synthesizer still stood much like the metaphorical elephant in the room. Badly hidden under the blanket he’d thrown over it after his and Sebastian disastrous downfall and subsequent meltdown.

Sam sat at his computer chair, propped his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands.

This was stupid.

This was a mess.

This was so classically Sam’s chaotic energy but three thousand times worse. He couldn’t even _think_ of a proper definition of what kind of mess it was.

Tugging at the hair at the back of his neck, Sam groaned miserably and squeezed his eyes even tighter until he saw stars behind his lids. He lowered his head even further, trying to think clearly and lacing his fingers behind his head.

_Just breathe, Samson. Keep your cool, don’t panic, and breathe…_

A soft knock on his bedroom door pulled Sam’s attention back up. His eyes snapped at the source of the sound just as the door opened slowly and Sebastian stepped in, now mostly dry and sporting the sweater and sweatpants Sam had offered him. Sebastian mouthed a greeting to Sam but his voice was so low, Sam wasn’t even sure if he’d actually used it.

Sebastian seemed… lost, standing at Sam’s doorway and glancing around as if looking to see if anything had changed. His eyes skimmed surfaces, glancing at the blanket thrown over the synthesizer he practiced on, the walls, and the ceiling.

After what felt like several minutes of silence and Sebastian offering _no_ opening to a conversation, Sam stepped forward and did it himself.

“What are you doing here, Sebastian?” He hadn’t intended for his voice to sound so tired or so hoarse. Once he’d said it though, there wasn't any taking it back.

Sebastian stared at the ground, unable to meet Sam’s eyes yet. He opened his mouth as if ready to respond then hesitated before closing it again without a sound. Sam watched him inhale deeply and hold the breath for a minute in his chest before expelling it all at once. “I don’t really know,” he admitted. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I woke up stupidly early, got some work done, but the basement felt suffocating, I guess.”

Sam, who wasn’t typically the quickest to retort or come up with a comeback wasn’t buying it though. “In the middle of a thunderstorm?” he clarified in disbelief. “You came down the mountain in the middle of not only the first rain of the year but…” Sam trailed off when Sebastian said something he hadn’t heard. “What?” he asked for clarification.

“I came down because I was thinking of _you._ ”

Sam stared and his mind went fuzzy.

_You. Me._

Sebastian finally moved from his spot, taking a few steps forward until reaching Sam’s bed and sitting on the edge. He was still across the room from the blond but at least he was no longer standing lamely in the center of the bedroom.

Sam meanwhile didn’t know what to say. His mind was blank and oddly foggy and it felt like gravity itself spun around him. Failing to think of any response, he chose instead to open more small talk. “How have you been?”

Sebastian shrugged but didn’t respond verbally. In all honesty, Sam hadn’t _actually_ expected to get a straightforward answer to his question. In the 12 years he’d known Sebastian and considered him his _‘best friend,’_ Sebastian had _despised_ that particular question.

_‘How exactly am I supposed to answer something like that?’_ He still remembered his friend saying that bitterly the last time they’d discussed it.

“Sam,” Sebastian called out quietly. Sam looked at him and this time Sebastian met his eye.

There was a long, awkward moment in which neither of the young men said anything. Yet something in the way Sebastian stared right into Sam’s eyes seemed to say _everything_ all at the same time. “I’m so sorry.”

_Sorry._

_Sorry?_

Something thick and heavy settled in Sam’s chest, pressing on his lungs until it was almost difficult to breathe.

“I’m such a fucking idiot, and I’m so, _so_ sorry,” Sebastian offered again. Sam was still stuck on the first utter of an apology, however. His brain repeated that one, single word over and over again like the chorus line of some sick song he’d written.

_Sorry._

He was _sorry._

Sam was for the first time in his life… at a loss for words.

“Please say something,” Sebastian asked after several minutes of silence and doubting if his oldest friend had even heard him. He had, of course. Sam had heard the first utterance of the word and then the second and he wasn’t sure which one made it worse or struck home harder but it didn’t really matter anyways because it just kept repeating over and over again.

“Sam,” Sebastian called again much louder.

“How have you _really_ been?” Sam blurted the question before he’d even given his conscious time to really approve the action. _Too late now._

Sebastian tried to shrug again but Sam felt that foreign tinge of defensiveness creeping in and his mouth spoke again out of it’s turn before he could give it permission. “Just be straight with me.”

_Poor choice of words, Samson._ That’s what he got for giving his stupid mouth autonomy.

Sebastian didn’t seem to want to answer again but after another minute of intensity and Sam refusing to ask anything else, he admitted what Sam had suspected.

“Not great.” Sebastian let a slow exhale after those first two words and Sam worded how long he’d been holding that breath. “Actually, pretty _fucking_ terrible.”

Sam didn’t even want to ask for the specifics of that detail because subconsciously he was pretty sure he already knew. He didn’t want Sebastian to think he didn’t care, however. Even after what had transpired between them, he couldn’t and wouldn’t do it. “How bad?”

Sebastian wrung his hands together and Sam noticed for the first time the bruising along his knuckles that had previously hidden in his pockets. “You know…” Sebastian fidgeted and dug his hands pack in the front pocket of the borrowed hoodie. “Bad thoughts. Bad nights. Even worse coping mechanisms. Nothing new.”

Sam’s heart sank with the admission. “Sebastian…”

“It’s fine,” Sebastian cut him off before Sam had another chance to say anything else. “Really, _I’m_ fine. It was bad for a while— I didn’t have you there to remind me to slow down or not be stupid, but everytime it got really bad… I don’t know. I guess I just thought about our last year in high school…”

Sam didn’t want to think of that. He still remembered one particular night so clearly, it haunted his nightmares. Finding Sebastian out cold on the bathroom floor...he wouldn’t be able to ever get that image out of his memory.

“Even though you weren’t here, I think you helped.” Sebastian added.

It was a great sentiment, but it left a factor out that poked at the edge of Sam’s thoughts.

“What about Abigail?”

The room went silent. Sebastian remained still and silent, weighing Sam’s question and recalling what had transpired between he and his… _ex? Once girlfriend? Still friend? Amicably-separated-romantic-partner?_ He didn’t really know what to call her that didn’t undermine her importance in his life.

“Are you still with her?” Sam had heard the rumors after he and Sebastian’s falling out. The gossip pool was rich in the valley and lately it had been overrun with tadpoles of Sebastian and Abigail’s on-again, off-again relationship.

“ _No._ ”

It was a little surprising to hear, but Sam didn’t overthink it too much or let his hopes soar. He’d made that mistake before.

“Do you still love her?” He didn’t expect Sebastian to answer _that_ quite as quickly.

“Yes,” Sebastian admitted quietly with very little hesitation. He glanced up at that answer and could see the expression on his blond friend’s face just drop. “But I don’t think I love her the way I’m _supposed_ to, or the way she deserves.” He inhaled loudly through his nose. “Or the way _I_ maybe deserve?”

Sam’s mind went blank. He didn’t know what to think or where this conversation was going or what Sebastian was implying, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up. Yet all the words and thoughts were vibrating under the surface of his skin, making him hot, making him itch, taunting him with an insatiable urge to just _move_ around until he felt like he wouldn’t be able to contain the energy in his veins. It was all too much, too overwhelming and all encompassing to sit through and hear in one sitting.

“I think I was with her more because it was _comfortable_ to be close with someone I knew and trusted. She was safe.”

_And Sam?_

“Can I ask you a question?” Sebastian wasn’t usually the one to ask permission for anything, more less saying something that came to mind. Nonetheless, he was looking at Sam, quietly waiting for his response and not moving forward until the other man nodded. “Have you been with other guys?”

_There it was._ _The elephant in the room._

“Yes.” It wasn’t going to do either of the men any good for Sam not to be honest now.

Sebastian nodded slowly but didn’t react, as if he didn’t find the news at all surprising. “Are you attracted to only men or…”

It was a little bit of an odd question to be asked. Not one Sam hadn’t thought about himself. He’d spent a lot of time in the past year or two especially analyzing his sexuality, a feat that wasn’t the easiest to accomplish when you were still hiding it from the ones around you and lived in a tiny town where everyone watched your every move. “I think I can safely say I’m exclusively attracted to men, Sebastian.”

Sebastian nodded slowly, as if he were being told a boring, weather-related fact. “When did you find out?”

“What are you trying to get out of me right now?” Sam hadn’t meant for that question to sound so defensive initially, but once it was out, it was out.

“I don’t think I have a preference,” Sebastian unexpectedly released.

Sam had to physically shake his head in disbelief because surely he, _Sebastian_ , wasn’t _actually_ implying what he sounded like he was. Yet, the only word that seemed to want to form on Sam’s lips was a vague and elementary, _“What?”_

Sebastian blinked. “A preference,” he repeated as if that one word answered everything. “I’ve been with girls and I’ve been with guys, and I don’t really have a preference with one over the other.”

This.

_This_ was news.

Mind-fucking, truth-altering, life-changing _news._

And Sam didn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe it simply by the principle of what Sebastian was saying.

“I think if anything, my preferences are…”

“What?” Sam interrupted him harshly and mid-speech. Sebastian only looked up at Sam, as if he was only talking about the weather or a book he’d read and not the fact that he was potentially telling the person he’d once considered his _best friend_ that he was bisexual. “What do you mean _‘you’ve been with guys?’_ ” Sam’s brain couldn’t pass that one admission over any of the others. “Who?” No, that wasn’t enough. _“When?”_ Yeah, that wasn’t much better.

“Sam, I—”

“No!” He stood abruptly, feeling his body on fire, burning with something that radiated from the inside out. “No, no, no, no!” _Anger._ “You made me feel like utter _shit_ for coming out to you.” He pointed a finger at Sebastian as if there was _any_ confusion as to who he was talking to. “ _You_ did that. You did that to _me_ because you’ve been my best friend since I fucking _moved_ here and now you’re telling me it _wasn’t_ just me?”

Sam just couldn’t comprehend it. Memories flashed of that night and the way Sebastian had looked at him— like Sam had just betrayed all trust he ever held in his best friend; like Sam admitting he was gay, and he was in love with _him_ was the absolute worst thing he could have ever admitted to Sebastian. That just made it so much worse.

It occurred to Sam then that there wasn’t going to be any feasible reconciliation from this. The man he was staring at, sitting on the edge of his bed, he wasn’t the same man he’d fallen in love with and been dreaming of for the past couple of years. He’d changed since the last time they’d been together, and since the beginning of this conversation.

This wasn’t a man he thought he could ever get to that level of trust with again.

“I didn’t freak out because you told me you were gay,” Sebastian tried to interject.

“I think you need to go.” Even hearing his own voice say those words, Sam felt his heart hit the ground and shatter. It was a pain so intense, it made it hard to breathe. His eyes burned, his fists clenched just to grasp on to some sensation other than the physical, pulsing pain in his chest.

Sebastian’s face visibly fell. “Don’t you want to know…”

Sam threw up his hands in defeat before he’d gotten that last word out. “No, Sebastian. I don’t,” he spit the words out harshly. “And do you know why?” He stared at Sebastian, blue eyes connecting intensely with those murky hazel eyes. “Because I’m so _tired_ of waiting for you. I’m so _tired_ of hiding who I am and who I want to be, and planning my life around what will make it as least inconvenient as possible _for you._ ”

“That’s not fair.”

“That’s not _fair?!”_ Sam’s voice rose in disbelief. “Not fair?! Fuck, Sebastian. It _is_ fair.” He moved closer still. Hand up to his chest as if he was trying to keep what semblance of a chest he still had, in his heart. “You broke _my heart,”_ Sam sheathed and pronounced each word slowly and with pronounced emphasis. “And then you made me feel like it was _my_ fault.”

Sebastian didn’t say anything and Sam felt it starting to give. The first burn of emotion at the rim of his eyes, the sting in the back of his throat, the swell of his airways until it was almost hard to breathe. “You let me think something was going on, you _encouraged me_ to kiss you, to touch you. _You_ did that— and then when it was all said and done, you kicked me out of your life and made me feel like you were disgusted in me and who I was.”

“It wasn’t you!” Sebastian spit it out before Sam couldn’t interrupt him any further.

And Sam finally froze. 

“I didn’t panic because you told me you were gay, or because you’re a guy…” His voice cracked, the first threat of total collapse spurred on by deep emotion. “It had _nothing_ to do with that.”

Fuck. This was so much harder to say out loud than Sebastian had expected. He took a deep breath.

“It was because…”

Because… _what?_

_Because he didn’t have to think about it anymore?_

_Because it was his first real sexual experience where he wasn't second guessing every thought or action?_

_Because it was the first time that he’d felt something so much deeper, so much more real. That it made him want to let go of every negative thought he’d ever held, let it all go. Feel every second of it for what it was because he trusted the other human unconditionally like he never had?_

_Because he was so much more in love with Sam than he ever thought one human being could be in love with another person?_

Because he _loved_ Sam.

He did.

Fuck, he did, and it was even more terrifying than admitting to anyone else before Sam that he didn’t think he could love them, or scarier than making it through the worst of the worst days. Scarier than imagining the rest of his life being a collection of identical, miserable days just one right after the other, or scarier than thinking it would never get any better than this very moment in time. 

So much scarier than he thought was humanly possible to be scared of something you couldn’t define.

And it made _sense._ The same way two plus two equals four made sense, and that snow is cold and fire is hot. It just was because it was and somehow, _someway_ acknowledging it, _admitting_ it was… it made it all come together.

And it hit _so hard_ it blew the breath right out of his lungs, flooded his eyes and made his jaw go slack as he audibly gasped because he couldn’t contain the all-at-once flood of emotion within him.

“Because _what,_ Sebastian?” Sam was impatiently waiting for him to finish the sentence.

It _did_ make sense.

“Because _I love you._ ” The weight of a thousand worlds all lifted off his chest at once and Sebastian finally took the long awaited breath he’d been holding off for longer than he could even remember.

Sam scoffed. He didn’t believe it. He wanted to. He wanted to so _desperately_ it hurt to think it was all an elaborate way for Sebastian to make it out of this argument.

“I don’t really like sex.”

Sam raised a brow at that one, but Sebastian's change of admission did serve its purpose of making the blond listen.

“I don’t like being physical with someone else, _anyway._ ” He emphasized the last word on purpose. “It's… weird, I have to be naked, they can see everything, I have to make sure everything I do makes them feel good. I have to completely trust them. I have to _think_ about it, I _do_ think about it way, _way_ more than I should.” Yoba, it was all flooding out now. “All I want to do is get it over with as quickly as I can to put my clothes back on so I can have some peace and get back to myself.”

Sam was still making that face of disbelief.

“I overthink it. I overthink everything. I worry too much about one thing or the other and it ruins it. I worry about not being good enough; about being disappointing. I worry I’m not what the other person wants to see. I’m a skinny, average-height male with the muscle mass of a twelve-year-old girl, and I’m not particularly well endowed.” His face was turning pink. He could feel the heat creeping into his face, worsening by the moment and every truth he exposed. “I’m _exposed_ during sex, and I don’t like it because I can’t get out of my head.”

Sebastian picked that moment to stand and Sam took a half a step back just to make space between them. In doing so, Sebastian felt the creep of doubt beginning to form but he pushed it away and continued.

“Being with you…”

_Was perfect._

“...it was _terrifying.”_ There it was. The golden elephant. “It was terrifying because I didn’t think about _any_ of that. I didn’t think about what you thought because I _knew it_ already. It was terrifying because every single touch was so much… on another fucking _planet_ than anything before that. And it scared _the hell_ out of me.” He couldn’t read Sam’s expression and that was scary in itself. “It was terrifying because I _wanted_ you to see me. I _wanted_ what I usually cringe from, and that look you had on your face? Fuck. It was…” 

Sam took two steps forward until coming up right against Sebastian and finally letting the shorter male’s voice fade away until he was silent altogether.

And without anymore restraint, Sam leaned down and pressed his lips onto Sebastian’s.

Sebastian had read once in an unmentionable story that when you kiss someone you truly love, there were no words that could truly describe the feeling. The novel had said then that a kiss from that person was like fireworks going off in your brain but underwater, the very blood in your body bubbling up with sparkling explosions until you wanted to melt into the other person and be absorbed into their bloodstream.

Sam kissed him and it felt almost exactly like that, but so, _so_ much better too. His velvety warm lips tugging on Sebastian’s bottom one until it felt like he could breathe the air right out of his lungs.

It was actually just about perfect.

Sam pulled away and was mesmerized by the dazed look on Sebastian’s expression. The one he in turn wore was one Sebastian had only ever really seen one on his friend’s handsome face. Something of a smile, but with a heat behind those blue eyes that made him almost shiver from the sensation that coursed through his veins.

_Friend?_ That word had hardly been appropriate before and even less so now. 

“So,” Sam started with a smile. He paused because Sebastian was smiling so wide and brilliant, all he wanted to do was taste that happiness on him, so he did just that until his head seemed to spin from a lack of oxygen. Sebastian was vaguely aware of the arm wrapped around his back holding him close to Sam’s radiating body heat and he actually for once enjoyed it.

“So,” Sebastian repeated Sam’s single syllable just as tease and earned a faint chuckle from the blond, followed by another searing kiss.

“Do you _really_ not remember kissing me on New Years?” 

Sebastian scratched the back of his neck to burn some time. “Honestly? ...Vaguely.” Sam’s eyes seemed to fall marginally at the admittance so Sebsatian added on, “I think I was so embarrassed to admit it and tell you things even _I_ didn’t understand yet, that it was easier just to forget.”

Sam nodded slowly, the words making sense to him even if it wasn’t exactly what he had hoped to hear. “By the way,” the taller of the men added when the thought struck him. “You know I haven’t come out to my parents or most of the people in town yet, right? Except for Riley. I think she figured it out before I did.”

Sebastian smirked that time but he couldn’t hide the glee behind it. “So you mean to tell me this tiny town _doesn’t_ know everything going on in it? How _devious._ ” He pulled himself closer to Sam and to both of their surprises let himself lean in to the blond’s long, lean frame.

_He really did have a great body._

“So does this mean you’re bisexual? Or pansexual?” Sebastian could tell there was an amusement and lightheartedness in Sam’s voice and it made him roll his eyes as the blond continued. “Asexual? Demisexual?” 

Sebastian moved just enough away from him just to cock a brow and make sure Sam saw it.

“Right now, I’m _Samsexual_. So how about we just see where it goes from there?”

Sam could work with that.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> *deep breath*
> 
> So...what did you think? Did Sebastian redeem himself? Do you think his explanation was enough for Sam to forgive him? Are you shocked Sam didn't want to kick his ass? Cause girl, I did. Riley did. The boy is lucky she wasn't around that day.
> 
> Let me know what you thought and what you'd like to see next for these two lovable fools because I really, really, love writing them.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading and if you'd like to connect with me and other readers/Stardew Valley fans, join my server at this invite: https://discord.gg/Md8xBJJ
> 
> Lots of Love,
> 
> Digs


End file.
